Content Warning: Sexual Violence

Let’s talk about how, when diagnosed, no one talks to you about hypersexuality.

Let’s talk about how depression can make you crave intimacy.

Let’s talk about how hypomania can make you crave sex.

Let’s talk about the shame you, as a woman, experience after bouts of hypomania.
(We can talk about how hypomania is often dismissed because it’s not full mania in a different post.)

Let’s talk about how you grew up in a strict, Bible Belt, Christian church.

Let’s talk about how you were probably “asking for it.”

Let’s talk about how the only time your parents talked to you about sex was when your acne treatment required a birth control prescription and your doctor mother joked “this isn’t permission to sleep around.”

Let’s talk about how depression created isolation between you and your friends.

Let’s talk about how depression made you an outcast.

Let’s talk about how you ended up on Tinder – because you just needed someone to talk to.

Let’s talk about how in your many messages, you made it clear that you didn’t want to have sex.

Let’s talk about how you kept pushing.

Let’s talk about how maybe you should have just unmatched him.

Let’s talk about how you gave him your address – because you just didn’t want to be alone.

Let’s talk about how you were really wanting to dance at bar that a friend was DJing at last night but couldn’t find anyone to go with.

Let’s talk about how that’s a typical weekend for you.

Let’s talk about how, instead, he ended up Ubering to your place.

Let’s talk about how your place was finally starting to feel “safe.”

Let’s talk about how you hoped him sucking on your neck wouldn’t leave a mark.

Let’s talk about how you didn’t have a condom.

Let’s talk about how you said that you didn’t want to have sex with him if he wasn’t going to use a condom.

Let’s talk about how he kept trying to “just touch my dick to your pussy.”

Let’s talk about how he kept trying to insert it.

Let’s talk about how he would spit phlegm to wet your vagina – because you weren’t turned on.

Let’s talk about how he kept trying to hold you down or open your legs.

Let’s talk about how you were exhausted, but you fought back.

Let’s talk about how he’d stop, then try to do it again in a different position.

Let’s talk about how, eventually, you’d just lay limp and let it happen.

Let’s talk about how he kept pushing your head to his penis.

Let’s talk about how he came in your mouth without warning.

Let’s talk about how you spit it out on your own bed.

Let’s talk about how he fell asleep on your bed. Snoring. Loudly.

Let’s talk about how you didn’t get any sleep.

Let’s talk about how he didn’t even kiss you goodbye.

Let’s talk about how, even after a long shower and many hours later, you still feel his hands down there.

Let’s talk about how you didn’t want to re-wear the clothes he took off you.

Let’s talk about how the first thing you did after he left was to brush your teeth.

Let’s talk about how it’s been seven hours and you can still taste him.

Let’s talk about how you can still feel the seamen in the back of your throat.

Let’s talk about how you were shopping today, caught a whiff of his scent.

And almost vomited.

Let’s talk about how you want to take a nap on your bed but don’t want to sleep on his fluids.

Let’s talk about how you don’t have the time, but mainly energy, to wash your bedsheets.
(God, I wish I had a spare set.)

Let’s talk about how you feel responsible, because you gave him your address.

Let’s talk about how you gave him your address, because you were lonely.

Let’s talk about the confusion you feel because you weren’t penetrated – so he didn’t rape you, right?

Let’s talk about how you’re going to get away with it.

Let’s talk about how you’re probably never going to see him again – even after a month of messaging.

And because you rejected sex with him.
(Even though you made it clear in earlier messages that’s not what you want.)

Let’s talk about how your church was right, guys don’t want girls who they have sex with.

Let’s talk about how, thinking about everything you were taught in church, you feel dirty.

Let’s talk about how you have no idea how to talk about, much less manage, your hypersexuality.

Let’s talk about how you have no one to talk to without judgment about your hypersexuality.

Let’s talk about how you feel guilty for bringing “drama” into your friend’s lives.

Let’s talk about your hypersexuality AND desire for intimacy.

Let’s talk about your lack of trust in people.

Let’s talk about your tendency to over-trust people.

Let’s talk about your loneliness.

Let’s talk about the guilt.

Let’s talk about the shame.

Let’s talk about how I feel like a slut.

 

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